Lawyer v Witness(9) - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS:     Oral...

 _________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS:     If not, he was by the time I finished.

 

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Lawyer v Witness (8) - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

 

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Lawyer v Witness (7) - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS:     By death..

ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS:     Take a guess.

 ____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Look out for more on tomorrow

Lawyer v Witness (6) - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY:         So the date of conception (of the baby) was

      August 8th?

WITNESS:            Yes.

ATTORNEY:         And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS:            Getting laid.

 ____________________________________________

 

ATTORNEY:         She had three children , right?

WITNESS:            Yes.

ATTORNEY:         How many were boys?

WITNESS:            None.

ATTORNEY:         Were there any girls?

WITNESS:            our Honour, I think I need a different attorney.

     Can I get a new attorney?

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Look out for more on tomorrow

Lawyer v Witness (5) - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS:      He's 20, much like your IQ.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Look out for more on Tomorrow

Lawyer v Witness (4) - You've just got to laugh

 ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS:     We both do.

ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?

WITNESS:     We do.

ATTORNEY:  You do?

WITNESS:     Yes , voodoo.

This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Look out for more on Tomorrow

Lawyer v Witness (3) - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:     I forget..

ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Look out for more on Tomorrow

Lawyer v Witness (2) - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

and:

ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?

WITNESS:     No , I just lie there.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Look out for more on Monday

Lawyer v Witness - You've just got to laugh

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 

WITNESS:     He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?

WITNESS:     My name is Susan!

This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, which contains things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Look out for another tomorrow